Monday 23 May 2016

Strategic parenting

It's hard ! Lord this is difficult. Who ever said the hardest part of being a mum was the pregnancy and birth lied. It's 7:29pm and this is the first time today, that i have sat for close to thirty minutes. My princess is asleep, finally. So here i am, having some 'me' time.

And so here goes; I went to pick my little one from school today, and her teacher suggested having her attend after school lessons. She's a pre schooler; so normal classes end at 2pm, attending after school classes means she'll leave school at 4pm daily. I was taken aback  by the suggestion for a moment; considering the fact that my little one is just two months short of clocking two years. Why would anyone suggest that i keep her in school for eight hours?
Of course, i said no. I do realise that a lot of younger kids spend longer hours in school, besides normal classes hours; That's the difficult decision a lot of working parents have to take so as to 'adequately' make provision for their kids, but i assure you; no 'mother' wants to leave her young children in the hands of strangers for such long hours exposing them to all kinds of danger, many choose to, as a last resort.
Her teacher was well aware that i don't do a nine to five job, So you can imagine my disconcertion when she mentioned that, but  i could see that she wanted to say more, and so i asked.

She explained that my twenty two months old daughter was going to be promoted to the kindergatten class in three months, but at the moment, she hadn't learnt enough to be there. She was enrolled in the second term because we wanted her to be at least a year and six months before she started school, hence, the lapse. I do want my daughter to go be promoted in september, but my child psychology background cautioned me against such move, especially when she wasn't prepared to be there . So you see my dilemma ; I had to either enroll her for after school lessons and have her return in the evenings, opt for summer coaching (but that's her rest/ vacation period), school her myself (my daughter is a handful), or have her repeat the class ( for some reason this is the least liked option and this present economy isn't helpful).

On the way back home i kept remembering all the lofty plans i had to properly tutor my kids, afterall my background in education must serve its purpose na.I even had a time table and a curriculum mapped out; In my head.
Hmmmn, i tried. Lord knows i tried, but in between attending  to and entertaining an overly active toddler, playing cook and laundry man, add that to gate keeper, errand girl, nurse, prayer warrior and then you see how my plans crashed, like a pack of cards. Just one pikin oooooo. So here i am, surfing the internet for information on how to teach a toddler alphabet phonics , I found a book online  titled "Endangered minds" by Jane Healy the review was awesome, the author touched a lot of salient points in parenting that i made a mental note to order. Plus it reminded me of something i had almost forgotten : parenting is strategic. This was something i had always known; its  just that saying it somehow seemed easier than living it. Imagine this: Planning is IT. Everything we expose our children to; our actions, words, reaction, environment should be planned by both parents. We must provide mentally stimulating, enriching environments; and more face to face interaction and less tv time. The effect of excessive exposure to tv , computers,video games may not be visible at present, but the combination of all these for prolonged period makes a bigger impact than we think. According to the author, our attempt at outsourcing our responsibilities as parents to video games,computers and tv doesn't make mould thinking, well rounded children, and later on adults. But the most important information i got was this: Wisdom has its own curriculum : conversation, thought, imagination, empathy and reflection.
Back to the reason, i went searching, thankfully, i found a site www.icanteachmychild.com . So if you're new to all these like myself or you think all of these is a lot of psycho babble, i'd love to hear from you, And if you've been there,done that...abeg,share a tip, help a sister in need.
Now,let me run along and memorise my alphabet rhymes for tomorrows class, the phonics gives me a headache. Wish me well

Sunday 22 May 2016

IN THE EYE OF A STORM

After about 30 minutes Ugo went back into the living room. It was pitch dark, but she spotted his bulky frame on the long sofa; she touched him lightly, knowing that he wasn't fast asleep. " Sweetheart, please come to bed, i've been begging you for close to an hour. What's bothering you?"
Her husband of 15 months shrugged slightly and responded gloomily, "Go to bed, i need to get to the root of this matter."  "I tried, but I couldn't sleep" She whispered softly, "Why have you been acting strangely, since you had a bath? Did you remember something? Is it the business?" "GO TO BED you cannot help me with this." He said, his voice raised this time. She sighed deeply and went in again. For the third time that night.

As she lay on the bed, her mind searched through the events of the past three hours. What could have led to his mood switch, she thought. She had a feeling it had something to do with her stealthy movement in the laundry room. That was where she kept her little savings, and he had come in to pick his laundry while she was trying to calculate how much money she had left. She hurriedly hid it, and put the bedsheets in the washing machine. He stood, perplexed for a while; "Why are you acting like this?" he said, "You! Why didn't you knock before entering" she fired back. He stood in shock wondering what had come over her, as she left him in the room behind.
She knew her raised voice was uncalled for, but she was flustered. She didn't want him to know she had any money. He had a way of making her pay for expenses he usually paid for, whenever he noticed she had some money. So she had learnt her lesson, she never had any money.

Ugo had always been a light sleeper; immediately he opened the door, she woke up but laid still. He came to her side of the bed, tapped her lightly and said "Babe, sit up i need to talk to you." She could sense where this was headed, he didn't trust her, every move she made had to be clearly explained. Eventhough, she had done nothing to deserve distrust, he just did not trust her. Infact, he trusted no one. He was that broken.

She sat up and he continued "I have something to ask you, why have you been acting strangely?" "How so?"she responded, fully aware of what he meant; her suspicions were right. When she got no reply but silence and a fixed gaze. She decided to come clean, so as to quell further problems. " Sweetheart, you know i told you i didn't have any money, i do. I was counting it when you came in, i didn't want you to find out, that's why I acted that way."
He heaved a deep sigh, "Okay". From his response and tone she knew he found her explanation plausible, she thought it was over and was about to lay back to sleep, when he said "Sit up, i have something to tell you."
She sat up again,wondering what it could be this time.  

To be continued next week...

Monday 16 May 2016

What writing means to me

"Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write, not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals." Don DeLillo

This here, sums it up for me; this is the reason i could never not write. Scribbles on pieces of paper, unfinished words and sentences on my phones and tab, a word here, another there, on writing pads of all colours, shapes and sizes, incomprehensible to many, meaningful to a few , life to me.
What's yours? What is that one thing you could never not do? What is that one thing you'd gladly do without pay, if need be?
Please feel free to drop a comment, i'd love to hear from you. Gracias